Over the next few months I’m hosting conversations about my most recent project, Elisabeth Elliot: A Life, which is the first full-length single-volume biography of that remarkable and complex woman.
The word that EE’s life shouts from this era is “unmoored.” It comes through in her own voice in These Strange Ashes, so it didn’t surprise me to find it in her bio—except that it clashes so strongly with her public persona as a speaker/author. Her relationship with Jim, her inability to make a decisive move in any meaningful sense seem to be represented visibly in her crazy travels from pillar to post.
The practical theology of PBI and the prevailing conservative Christian culture of her young adulthood was pretty unlivable. Somehow God was expected to preside over the details of life decisions, and the excruciating task of waiting meant that a good number of “decisions” were made by default.
Which leads to the “dating” relationship with Jim… Unmoored, and so very sad.
Such a good point that when waiting for direction at that level of detail, decisions tended to be made by default. That makes me wonder if that also contributed to the sense that whatever shows up on your doorstep (eg, in these chapters, the invitation to work at HDA) is a sign for what you should do next, the tendency that I think is apparent throughout her life to equate what is and what should be. I agree that it had some sad consequences. Thanks for reading, and for sharing your thoughts!
I agree with everything Michele says in her comment. Yes: unmoored is the word. If this is what moment-by-moment trust in God's leading looks like ... wow. And Lucy I noted the dryness of your statement on page 113: "it appears that the 'several events' [closing EE's door to the South Seas and opening the way to Ecuador] were actually a visit from Jim."
Many aspects of Jim and Betty's relationship bothered me, but the part about him telling Betty how much his family detested her was excruciating. It was almost sadistic. Unbelievably, he referred to it as "betraying my folks before an outsider" -- as if he was more concerned that telling Betty this would make his family look bad in her eyes, rather than that she would be hurt. Their whole relationship was quite painful and sad to read about: the obsession with the specifics of "God's will" and the sense that they were exceptional and had a uniquely high calling that necessitated their painful, perplexing courtship.
Yes, it was startling after reading of "several events" in Gates to find such am absence of events in the source material. And that presentation seems like part of a pattern that starts to appear through the next chapters that one can almost describe as preserving her privacy at key points through sleight of hand.
And I agree about that letter where Jim shared his parents' opinions! It reminded me strongly of the line from Anne of Green Gables, "Mrs. Rachel was one of those delightful and popular people who pride themselves on speaking their mind without fear or favor." It's not a virtue in every circumstance.
One thing that really struck me in reading about Jim and Betty's "courtship" and then the "courtship" that has pervaded purity culture and many homeschool movements is how much they were on their own. Courtship as described by Josh Harris, Doug Wilson, Bill Gothard, etc. all are heavy on the authority of fathers/father figures. What really struck me is Jim and Betty didn't really allow anyone else to speak into their lives nor seemed to seek out what older adults/parents, etc. thought about their relationship. They were really on their own. And although I don't agree with fathers dictating their adult kids' relationships, in their case in stands out to me that they both could have really used some guidance!
Oh, that's a fascinating connection that I hadn't made! You're absolutely right and it's really interesting that their story has been used to bolster something very different. Part of their emphasis on the individual alone before God was surely cultural, but I also think you hit on something noteworthy when you say they didn't allow others to speak into their lives--Betty's mother and her brother/Jim's best friend Dave, at least, were attempting to give input, and both of them were dismissed.
I wanted to reflect on your question about “underlying theology” because it seems like interpreting EE’s life depends on understanding her view of knowing and doing God’s will. As you mention “she wants to do God’s will in the abstract but in the particular she wants”… something else. Knowing she wasn’t perfect causes her to doubt herself and question her own desire to obey. Add to that she believed “that the easier or more comfortable path must be deceptive, second best.." This all leaves EE helplessly absorbed in a constant inner struggle, and at such an important time of her life! No wonder her mom wanted her to take a break from Amy Carmichael! I read all this thankful that today we have an expanded view of the character of God which helps us look at ourselves more like He looks at us, in kindness and love. We also have a renewed vision of the work of the Holy Spirit in our life as a helper and a comforter; Someone who guides us to and on the right path. Isn’t this more like the way Pete Fleming would have described it?
I wonder if, in the context of all of her inner conflict, the idea of submitting to her husband - and therefore not being as directly responsible for all of the decisions that need to be made - might have been a relief for Betty?
I also want to comment on your question about all the travel. My husband and I lived in Quito while working on a project and we found it quite different, yet not unlike, the small provincial capitol our mission allowed us to visit every 6-weeks from the interior where we lived in Argentina. Quito served as EE’s “city-center” where, as you know, she did all her buying of supplies, documents, medical/dental, mission-related business/meetings, worship/fellowship. With so many people based there, connecting with everyone while in Quito wasn’t easy. One way to accomplish that was by accepting invitations to breakfast-lunch-supper and/or a social event (i.e. birthday) while in town on business (which also meant you didn’t have to cook.) It is a lot and not surprisingly those who live in the city often don’t see each other much (except in ministry and/or office settings) unless someone is in town from the interior. And the stories of the trips in and out of the interior continue to be
legendary! Thankfully today you can drive from Quito to Shell in just a few hours - on a road with tunnels - but if you are there to meet with people and/or attend meetings, it is best to plan for a two-night stay.
I totally agree that interpreting Elliot's life depends on understanding her theology! I think you're right about Pete Fleming's broader view, and it does seem likely that submission to someone else whose job was to hear from God and be responsible for the decision could well have seemed like a relief or a respite. I think we see that more explicitly farther on in her life.
I'm interested to hear about the ongoing changes and challenges in travel, and that's a helpful insight that a group social event could be a good way to get in touch with a larger number of people in a limited amount of time. It helps set all those waffle parties in context! :)
I just found the discussion (happily so!), so I’m joining a bit late, but I’m with Michele and Jeannie above. At times I wanted to shake Jim and Betty (but especially Jim) reading about their courtship. So much unnecessary heartache occurred thanks to the rigid ideas about God’s will they held. And for Pete and Olive Fleming, too! I also struggled with the notes of grandiosity revealed in the idea that their relationship was special.
As someone who was influenced by Passion and Purity in college, I found myself a bit let down by the discrepancies between the book’s depiction of their relationship and the facts, especially as EE held up their relationship as a kind of model to follow. But I can also appreciate how easy it is for us humans to, in an attempt to fit the messy details of our lives into neater boxes that align with our beliefs, to participate in a kind of perhaps, accidental, rewriting of history. I know I have been guilty of doing this same thing! I imagine for EE, it must have been hard to think critically at all of Jim after his death, too.
I thought Katherine Howard’s urging Betty to take a break from Amy Carmichael both funny and wise! Often I found Katherine to be a voice of moderation that it would’ve suited Betty well to listen to more. I was sad Betty couldn’t share more of her true feelings with her mom in her letters.
Hi Jessica! I'm glad you found us! It's definitely hard to "watch" the effects of some of their beliefs both on their relationship and on the Flemings', especially knowing from our vantage point that their time is so short.
And I agree both that the differences between what Passion and Purity depicts and what the letters and journals show us is disappointing, and that one can see how it happened! I hope that being able to examine the whole big picture around the story of their romance is one of the helpful things that will come from the biography. I think you're spot on that losing Jim, especially in the way she did, made it hard for her to see him clearly even after his death. I've also wondered whether her understanding of their relative jobs in their relationship played a role in clouding her vision, so to speak.
The challenges in Betty and Katharine Howard's relationship are definitely sad. I would have loved to know more about their relationship than we do--I have wished again and again, for example, that EE had saved her mother's letters so that we could see both sides of some of their conversations! Thanks for commenting.
The word that EE’s life shouts from this era is “unmoored.” It comes through in her own voice in These Strange Ashes, so it didn’t surprise me to find it in her bio—except that it clashes so strongly with her public persona as a speaker/author. Her relationship with Jim, her inability to make a decisive move in any meaningful sense seem to be represented visibly in her crazy travels from pillar to post.
The practical theology of PBI and the prevailing conservative Christian culture of her young adulthood was pretty unlivable. Somehow God was expected to preside over the details of life decisions, and the excruciating task of waiting meant that a good number of “decisions” were made by default.
Which leads to the “dating” relationship with Jim… Unmoored, and so very sad.
Such a good point that when waiting for direction at that level of detail, decisions tended to be made by default. That makes me wonder if that also contributed to the sense that whatever shows up on your doorstep (eg, in these chapters, the invitation to work at HDA) is a sign for what you should do next, the tendency that I think is apparent throughout her life to equate what is and what should be. I agree that it had some sad consequences. Thanks for reading, and for sharing your thoughts!
I agree with everything Michele says in her comment. Yes: unmoored is the word. If this is what moment-by-moment trust in God's leading looks like ... wow. And Lucy I noted the dryness of your statement on page 113: "it appears that the 'several events' [closing EE's door to the South Seas and opening the way to Ecuador] were actually a visit from Jim."
Many aspects of Jim and Betty's relationship bothered me, but the part about him telling Betty how much his family detested her was excruciating. It was almost sadistic. Unbelievably, he referred to it as "betraying my folks before an outsider" -- as if he was more concerned that telling Betty this would make his family look bad in her eyes, rather than that she would be hurt. Their whole relationship was quite painful and sad to read about: the obsession with the specifics of "God's will" and the sense that they were exceptional and had a uniquely high calling that necessitated their painful, perplexing courtship.
Yes, it was startling after reading of "several events" in Gates to find such am absence of events in the source material. And that presentation seems like part of a pattern that starts to appear through the next chapters that one can almost describe as preserving her privacy at key points through sleight of hand.
And I agree about that letter where Jim shared his parents' opinions! It reminded me strongly of the line from Anne of Green Gables, "Mrs. Rachel was one of those delightful and popular people who pride themselves on speaking their mind without fear or favor." It's not a virtue in every circumstance.
One thing that really struck me in reading about Jim and Betty's "courtship" and then the "courtship" that has pervaded purity culture and many homeschool movements is how much they were on their own. Courtship as described by Josh Harris, Doug Wilson, Bill Gothard, etc. all are heavy on the authority of fathers/father figures. What really struck me is Jim and Betty didn't really allow anyone else to speak into their lives nor seemed to seek out what older adults/parents, etc. thought about their relationship. They were really on their own. And although I don't agree with fathers dictating their adult kids' relationships, in their case in stands out to me that they both could have really used some guidance!
Oh, that's a fascinating connection that I hadn't made! You're absolutely right and it's really interesting that their story has been used to bolster something very different. Part of their emphasis on the individual alone before God was surely cultural, but I also think you hit on something noteworthy when you say they didn't allow others to speak into their lives--Betty's mother and her brother/Jim's best friend Dave, at least, were attempting to give input, and both of them were dismissed.
I wanted to reflect on your question about “underlying theology” because it seems like interpreting EE’s life depends on understanding her view of knowing and doing God’s will. As you mention “she wants to do God’s will in the abstract but in the particular she wants”… something else. Knowing she wasn’t perfect causes her to doubt herself and question her own desire to obey. Add to that she believed “that the easier or more comfortable path must be deceptive, second best.." This all leaves EE helplessly absorbed in a constant inner struggle, and at such an important time of her life! No wonder her mom wanted her to take a break from Amy Carmichael! I read all this thankful that today we have an expanded view of the character of God which helps us look at ourselves more like He looks at us, in kindness and love. We also have a renewed vision of the work of the Holy Spirit in our life as a helper and a comforter; Someone who guides us to and on the right path. Isn’t this more like the way Pete Fleming would have described it?
I wonder if, in the context of all of her inner conflict, the idea of submitting to her husband - and therefore not being as directly responsible for all of the decisions that need to be made - might have been a relief for Betty?
I also want to comment on your question about all the travel. My husband and I lived in Quito while working on a project and we found it quite different, yet not unlike, the small provincial capitol our mission allowed us to visit every 6-weeks from the interior where we lived in Argentina. Quito served as EE’s “city-center” where, as you know, she did all her buying of supplies, documents, medical/dental, mission-related business/meetings, worship/fellowship. With so many people based there, connecting with everyone while in Quito wasn’t easy. One way to accomplish that was by accepting invitations to breakfast-lunch-supper and/or a social event (i.e. birthday) while in town on business (which also meant you didn’t have to cook.) It is a lot and not surprisingly those who live in the city often don’t see each other much (except in ministry and/or office settings) unless someone is in town from the interior. And the stories of the trips in and out of the interior continue to be
legendary! Thankfully today you can drive from Quito to Shell in just a few hours - on a road with tunnels - but if you are there to meet with people and/or attend meetings, it is best to plan for a two-night stay.
I totally agree that interpreting Elliot's life depends on understanding her theology! I think you're right about Pete Fleming's broader view, and it does seem likely that submission to someone else whose job was to hear from God and be responsible for the decision could well have seemed like a relief or a respite. I think we see that more explicitly farther on in her life.
I'm interested to hear about the ongoing changes and challenges in travel, and that's a helpful insight that a group social event could be a good way to get in touch with a larger number of people in a limited amount of time. It helps set all those waffle parties in context! :)
I just found the discussion (happily so!), so I’m joining a bit late, but I’m with Michele and Jeannie above. At times I wanted to shake Jim and Betty (but especially Jim) reading about their courtship. So much unnecessary heartache occurred thanks to the rigid ideas about God’s will they held. And for Pete and Olive Fleming, too! I also struggled with the notes of grandiosity revealed in the idea that their relationship was special.
As someone who was influenced by Passion and Purity in college, I found myself a bit let down by the discrepancies between the book’s depiction of their relationship and the facts, especially as EE held up their relationship as a kind of model to follow. But I can also appreciate how easy it is for us humans to, in an attempt to fit the messy details of our lives into neater boxes that align with our beliefs, to participate in a kind of perhaps, accidental, rewriting of history. I know I have been guilty of doing this same thing! I imagine for EE, it must have been hard to think critically at all of Jim after his death, too.
I thought Katherine Howard’s urging Betty to take a break from Amy Carmichael both funny and wise! Often I found Katherine to be a voice of moderation that it would’ve suited Betty well to listen to more. I was sad Betty couldn’t share more of her true feelings with her mom in her letters.
Hi Jessica! I'm glad you found us! It's definitely hard to "watch" the effects of some of their beliefs both on their relationship and on the Flemings', especially knowing from our vantage point that their time is so short.
And I agree both that the differences between what Passion and Purity depicts and what the letters and journals show us is disappointing, and that one can see how it happened! I hope that being able to examine the whole big picture around the story of their romance is one of the helpful things that will come from the biography. I think you're spot on that losing Jim, especially in the way she did, made it hard for her to see him clearly even after his death. I've also wondered whether her understanding of their relative jobs in their relationship played a role in clouding her vision, so to speak.
The challenges in Betty and Katharine Howard's relationship are definitely sad. I would have loved to know more about their relationship than we do--I have wished again and again, for example, that EE had saved her mother's letters so that we could see both sides of some of their conversations! Thanks for commenting.
Yes! It would have been so great to have the letters!